The elephants have returned and taken residence. They sit heavy on my chest. I wonder where they came from. Perhaps they have been gathering at the door for sometime. My ‘friend’ has come all too early this month which might explain somethings. However if I am being honest, I new this was coming. It was not said but I guess the absence of talk made it all the more obvious. I was just in denial. I was just fooling myself. I am now heavy of heart and I do not know how to deal with it. I want to tell somebody, to share the burden but I am afraid of their response both to me and to my husband. I feel protective of him and I do not want to give them anymore reason to dislike him. His reception from them at best can be lukewarm but this news would make for a frosty homecoming. I cannot do that to him, I cannot do that to myself. No I have to find a way to get through this alone.