I see pregnant women everywhere. From the cute little bumps to the heavy frontloaders. I’m not quite sure what I think about it. I am not flooded with feelings of envy and wanting. However when I see babies – that is a completely different matter. Then I feel loss and something else that does not have a name. Then the ‘what ifs?’ and ‘can I?’ bubbles float up and out of my head. Then a sense of something passing me by, fills my soul. Inside I fight not to let these nameless and nebulous feelings overwhelm me and drag me to a place I might not be able to return from.