And so today I wondered why I do not go to church anymore. I was waiting for my husband in the Notre Dame of Leicester Square. The outside sign informed me that it was a place of peace and sanctuary and it certainly was. I sat in the Church and prayed to God, that while I was not the biggest believer in the world, I was asking Him to solve my problems. I prayed for healthy happy children and healthy and a happy husband. I sat and wondered – just how long a person can sit in misery for. Because that is what I am feeling right now – misery. I feel this heaviness that will not pass, even though I should be counting my blessings. There are ovecast skies and a lack of lightness of being, that is slowing me down and taking the edge off my day. I am unable to enjoy the present fully and completely. I am slipping back to that dark place again. There appear to be no brakes, barriers or boundaries.