Generous to a fault…?

Generous to a fault…?

And so the internal dialogue goes something like this…

I cannot believe, that we just had that conversation.

I cannot believe somebody could be that uncaring and selfish. I am almost speechless, except actually, I do have plenty to say.

And the question is, do I let this continue? What I am supposed to do next?
In all honesty, this is not a situation that was not unpredictable. I cannot say with hand on heart, that this is not something that all the other people around could not see and we’re trying to tell me. It was not even something that I did not know deep in my own heart, was not true.

However…

I always thought, and despite the current situation, still do think, that people have capacity to change. Only because I have seen it happen and because there is a track record. And I know that this particular set of circumstances has a root and trajectory that I can …… predict. I can heard my friend, telling me “people show you who they are” and to a certain extent she is right. However, the only thing that keeps me, this, going is the belief that this will change. If I did not believe that, then I suspect I would give up all hope, in anything, ever. In total unfairness to myself, and in undeserving fairness to him, I am being incredibly generous. Other might say naive.

Maybe, I should think of alternatives, but the alternatives are pretty grim and in fact worse that the current situation. I also wonder if that is an influencing factor. However, I had long decided that the alternatives, we’re not really credible options for me. Instead there was, Plan C.

Plan C, involves staying ahead of the game. Plan C involves strategy. So far, I have put the first part in motion. It involved, so much nagging, I was sick of my own voice but it worked. It worked, silent victory whoop and invisible fist punch in the air. The next plan involves me, but I am currently limited by availability of that particular resource. However, I continue to make inroads on the other parts of the me-dependent plan. The problem is lack of help. Again, stems back to the same old, same old. While I have in my time, been incredibly generous (maybe just naive) with my time, energy, efforts and money in helping all others in a similar situation, I cannot see offers of help forth coming in my situation. It is only that I just get up and get on with things that much of what I have achieved to date has happened but it is somewhat frustrating.

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